Saturday, September 18, 2010

How do you erase a childhood?

How do you erase the memories of your childhood?  Oh, don't get me wrong, it is not that I had a BAD childhood, in fact I had a pretty good one.  I was born into the typical American family:  Stay at home mom, who cooked, cleaned and took care of the kids; a hard working father who did whatever was necessary to support his family; two older brothers that were into muscle cars, Led Zepplin and hanging out; then there was me, the baby of the family.  Sounds perfect right?  Well, for a while, I guess it was.  Then things started to change.  It was a slow transition that led to a complete breakdown of the family I once knew.  My mother began her downward spiral into the world of hoarding, just as one of my brothers began his decent into the world of drugs.  In the beginning, the rest of us did our best to help my mother and brother overcome their demons.  In the end, the demons won and what was left was a broken and shattered family.  I no longer speak to my mother or my drug addicted brother, my other brother is a work-a-holic who I have little contact with, and my father has moved out of state.

So, how do you erase the memories of a childhood that now seems like just a dream?  Those people no longer exist.  Never will exist again... and it is too painful to remember them the way that they were. 

5 comments:

Kalei's Best Friend said...

I don't think u can erase it.. U just have to not dwell on it, learn from it and move on.. and most of all don't think that u had any cause in what happened... Children just happen to be the ones who end up getting the brunt of things...and hopefully whatever bad has happened is not passed on..

Jo said...

This is a familiar tale and one that I'm sure many are familiar with.

I believe this is why many of us grow up to find people who WILL give a shit about our life; to have witnesses that our birth family missed.

THIS is why we blog.

And this is why I found you. :)

Peace and serenity,
~Jo

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

I think you have to grieve for what was, and is no longer. As with any loss, we can't just erase something from our minds; it will stay there and eat away at us. We have to let ourselves feel the pain, anger, and sorrow before we can achieve some peace. I'm sorry for your loss.

Hanna said...

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SY said...

I know how you feel.. Parents always have this all knowing glow about them when you're young but as you get older you discover that we're all human.