Although I am truly blessed to be a mother to two great kids I can't help but feel a little blue this Mother's Day. Growing up I had the best mother in the world. There were not many kids my own age in my neighborhood and my mother filled in for the lack of kids to play with. We played games, went to the movies, went shopping. She was my best friend. Even after I was old enough to go to school and make friends outside of the neighborhood I shared a special bond with my mother. Now, many years later I no longer have that bond. I mourn the loss of my mother but not because she has died. In fact she is very much alive and lives only a few houses away from me.
So what caused the separation between me and my mother? Unfortunately, she became a hoarder of both animals and merchandise and also became (continued to be?) an enabler of my brother's heroin addiction. In a few short years she took in over 30 cats. Due to her out of control spending and my brother constantly stealing from her purse, she lost my childhood home to foreclosure and caused the business that she and my father worked so hard to establish go bankrupt. Slowly but surely her behaviors caused my parents to divorce and drove a wedge between us. Although she was once a tremendous part of my 10 year olds life her sickness has taken her away from him. She is no longer involved in my children's lives and in fact has only seen my 2 year old a few times. It is such a tragedy because I know the mother I "USED" to have would have enjoyed every minute of her grandchildren. I tried to get her to go to therapy. In fact, we went together twice and then she gave up. The therapist told me he could not help her because she refused to be honest with him. I called her private physician who advised me that "my mother had a death wish because she sabotages her health every chance she gets". Although she is an insulin dependant diabetic she chooses only to eat canned fruit, king sized chocolate bars and loaves of white bread. Yes, I said loaves of white bread. Desperate, I even called Adult Protective Services. They were no help. I have tried other measures to get her the help that she needs but they have failed. At this point I have given up.
So, Mom spent Mother's day with my addict brother. The brother who sells her pain meds on the street and takes her social security check every month. Yes, I mourn the loss of my mother but at least I can go to sleep at night with a clear conscience because I know I did everything I personally could do to get her the help she needs. The mother from my childhood would be proud.