I saw you in the park today. You did not see me. It has been almost twenty years since I saw you last. You still look good. A little older, a little heavier, a few gray hairs. But still you. I always wondered what I would say to you if I ever saw you again. The scenario has played out in my head throughout the years and has changed many times.
Years ago when the pain was still fresh I pictured myself crying and begging you for answers about why you cheated. Why you destroyed the beautiful relationship we once shared. I just couldn't comprehend why you asked me to be your wife, only to turn around and cheat on me a few months later. Had your cheating been going on for a while? If so, why did you ask me to be your wife at all?
I slipped into a deep depression after your infidelity. In the mornings, before the sun even finished rising, before I even opened my eyes to the brand new day, the depression would wash over me. It stayed for many years. I eventually started dating again. Half ass attempts on my part. I just didn't want to be alone. I was lucky enough to meet some wonderful men who treated me right and took my mind off of being depressed for awhile. There was the dental student with a penchant for frog legs. Yuk!), the teacher/aspiring novelist (he was quite a good writer and I'm sure I'll see one of his novels on the best seller list one day), and then there was the clown. Yes, I said clown. There I was stuck in a deep depression and I was dating a professional clown! I actually felt sorry for the guy because I think I had him second guessing his career choice. No matter how hard the poor bastard tried he just could not get me to be happy. So, after a few weeks or months I would end each relationship. I wasn't ready to give my heart to anyone but you.
The next scenario that often played out in my mind involved you suddenly having an epiphany that you could not live without me. Realizing what a terrible mistake you made you rushed to my apartment, pleading with me to take you back. That scenario played in my head for quite some time.
The one scenario that NEVER entered my mind was the one that actually happened. I saw you in the park today...and let you go.
Yes, your actions all those years ago plunged me into a depression I care never to relive again but, I have grown from the experience. I believe that God must have thrown a wrench into our wedding plans because he knew that you were not the right man for me. I can see that now because I was fortunate enough to find and marry my soul mate. So, to you I say thank you. If you hadn't hurt me, I never would have found my true love. The man I look forward to spending the rest of my life with. He makes me laugh, is a wonderful father to our beautiful kids and is a genuinely good soul.
I wish the same for you. I hope you have found your soul mate. I hope you are happy.
I saw you in the park today....and let you go.