Vertigo

Vertigo (from the Latin vertō "a whirling or spinning movement") is a type of dizziness, where there is a feeling of motion when one is stationary. The symptoms are due to a dysfunction of the vestibular system in the inner ear. It is often associated with nausea and vomiting as well as difficulties standing or walking.

The past few days, because I have been suffering from vertigo, I have been a little lax in responding to the comments my blogger friends have left on my blog.  I apologize to you all.  I have suffered from vertigo since I was about 17 years old.  I remember the first time I ever experienced this horrible feeling.  I was working in a clothing store on 18th Avenue in Brooklyn.  I was in the middle of showing a customer the newest arrivals when suddenly the store began to sway.  I grabbed onto the nearest clothing rack, thinking that we were having an earthquake (I don't know why that thought ran through my head since we don't get too many earthquakes in Brooklyn!).  I managed to open my eyes and observed that nobody else was panicking or running for cover.  In fact, they were just standing there looking at me like I was nuts!  The manager of the store came over and helped me to a nearby chair.  She gave me something to drink and chalked up the dizziness to my latest diet fad (which at the time was "starvation". Being young, I had the bright idea that if I only ate plain lettuce for every meal I would lose weight and stay healthy.)  While my "diet" may have contributed to the dizziness, it was also the beginning of my vertigo ordeal.

Until recently, the episodes have been sporadic over the years.  While each bout was debilitating, I managed to deal with it because it didn't happen too often and at the time I didn't have a mortgage to pay or two children who required my attention.  I had the luxury of staying home from work, laying in bed and waiting it out.  Now, the vertigo has been coming more frquently and I just can't afford to miss a day of work.  In addition, my kids just don't understand that Mommy is feeling sick.  They still expect me to cook their favorite meals, play games and snuggle with them like I always do.  My husband helps out when he can but because he works so many hours, at different jobs, he is not home too often.

The only treatment that helps me is to take a "Dramamine" type drug.  The problem with the drug is that I am snoozing about 5 minutes after I swallow the pill.  In fact, it knocks me out to such an extent that a bomb could go off and I would sleep soundly through it!  So, I cannot take the medicine unless my husband is home to watch over the kids.  Without the medicine I am forced to endure the nausea, vomiting and dizziness.  :-(

I am going to put positive thoughts out into the universe and believe that my vertigo will go away soon and this will be a better week.  :-)

Meet Me on Monday! 3rd Edition!

Hi everyone!  It is week three of Java's "Meet Me on Monday" Blog Hop.  Please visit her wonderful blog at  http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com/2010/06/meet-me-on-monday_27.html



Here are my answers to this weeks questions:


1. Are you a collector of anything?

Nope.  My mother is a hoarder so I am very conscious about how much stuff I keep in my home.  I worry that if I start to "collect" anything it will get out of control.


2. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?

No.  My husband and I were thinking of getting tattoos but so far we haven't gotten up the nerve to actually make the trip to the tattoo parlor.  Maybe we will finally do it this summer.  I always wanted to get my tongue pierced but now that I am 42 I think I am too old.  What do you think?  Should I go for it?


3. What is your favorite salad dressing?

I love balsamic vinegar and olive oil with a little Mrs. Dash thrown in.


4. What was the last thing that you ate?

I had eggplant parm. last night for dinner.  My neighbor made it and brought me a plate.  YUM!


5. What was the last movie that you saw?

Toy Story 3.  It made me cry (see my "Graduation Day" post). :-(

Graduation Day

My son will be graduating from 5th grade this week.  I never realized how depressed and anxious this event would make me.  My little boy is leaving the protective cocoon of his elementary school, a place where he feels safe and where the teachers and staff nurtured and guided him over the last five years.  In a few short months my little boy will be in junior high!  Where did the time go?  It seems like just yesterday that he was playing with his Buzz Lightyear action figure and watching Toy Story for the billionth time!  Speaking of Toy Story, I took my son and one of his friends to see Toy Story 3 this weekend.  Thank goodness for those dark 3-D glasses because they hid my tears while I bawled like a baby during the movie.  I wasn't only crying because it looked as if Woody and Buzz and all their little friends were getting melted down and going to toy heaven, I was also crying because my little boy is growing up and pretty soon he will not want to be caught dead at a movie with his stuffy old mom (who cries at kids movies!)

The days of dance festivals and bake sales are over.  My little boy is not so little anymore.  He is off to junior high where I know a little bit of unhappiness is in store for him.  This is the time when the "clicks" start to form and the kids who you thought were your friends will no longer give you the time of day.  Jessi @ The Musings of a Wannabe Star http://jhaish.blogspot.com/2010/06/best-friends-for-life.html recently posted about life after elementary school.  She states "When I reached middle school..., I was most definitely shell-shocked."  I am afraid that is how my son will feel.  My son is a sensitive soul who loves and accepts everyone.  It kills me to know that soon his peers will be judging him by the clothes her wears, the music he listens to, the kids he hangs out with.  Will he bend to peer pressure and mold himself into the person his peers want him to be?  Or, will he remain the kind, caring, sensitive soul that he has always been and thus, be labeled a "nerd" or whatever the negative term is they use these days?  My heart aches knowing that there is nothing I can do to shield him from this pain.  It is inevitable and everyone goes through it, but it just isn't right.

I don't want to fill his mind with my worries so I keep my mouth shut.  I want him to embrace the idea of starting a new school and be excited about making new friends.  I wish every happiness in the world for him and hope he finds some of that happiness in junior high.

Meet Me on Monday - Week Two

OK, it's week two of the Meet Me on Monday blog hop. 
Please visit our host Java @ http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com/2010/06/meet-me-on-monday_20.html.  You are going to love her blog.


Here are my answers to this weeks questions:


1. How many brother and sisters do you have?

I have two brothers.  I am not close with either one.  :-(  One of my brothers is addicted to heroin and after many years of being lied to and stolen from I made the wise decision to cut all ties with him.  That decision has cost me dearly and is one of  the reasons my mother and I no longer speak.



2. What is your favorite thing to do?

Spend a relaxing day with my husband and children.  We work so many hours that when we do spend time together it is precious.



3. What countries have you visited?

I am a chicken.  Cluck, cluck, cluck.  I have not visited many countries or much of America because I am afraid to fly.


4. Are you a morning or a night person?

I am definitely a morning person.  With a 2 year old who gets up at 5:00 AM I have to be!


5. What's your favorite cereal?

Hmmmm....  I guess I would have to say cheerios.  How boring, right?  I find that as I get older the sugary cereals are not that appealing anymore.

iPads , iPhones and Kindles, Oh My!

I read an article in Sunday's NY Daily News about New Yorkers addiction to apps.  I don't know about you, but when I hear the word "app" I think of food (appetizers), NOT electronics.  Even though I am only in my early 40's, I feel more and more like a dinosaur each passing day.  With an array of new gadgets and the "apps" that go with them constantly coming out on the market I find that I just can't keep up.  I am quickly falling out of the loop.  Take the Kindle and other products of that nature for example.  Whatever happened to good old fashioned books?  Maybe I shouldn't admit this, but I do not own an iPad or Kindle.  I'm an old fashioned girl who loves good old fashioned books (You know, the ones that are actually made with paper).  I love the feel and smell of them.  I inhale deeply as I walk into a book store because I love the smell of new books.  Wait, I have an idea for a new product!  You know how they have "new car" smell in those air fresheners that dangle from your rear-view mirror?  Well, why not make a "new book" scent?  No?  Bad idea?  Oh well.

I love being able to pick up an actual book, glance throught its pages before buyng it, hold it, feel its weight in my hands.  But, I am a dinosaur.  My kind is becoming extinct.

I do not own a Blu-ray DVD player (heck, I still own two VCRs!), I barely manage to work my cell phone (bluetooth?  What's that?) and I have no idea what an iPod is.  Oh wait; my ten year old son just informed me that it is some kind of gadget that plays music (whatever happened to the walkman?)  Please, somebody tell me, when did I turn into my parents?  Am I alone in feeling this way or are there other dinosaurs roaming around out there?

I guess I am still  somewhat in the loop because I did managed to figure out how to create this blog.  Right? 

Not So Terrific Tuesday

I am NOT having a good day.  I woke up this morning with a terrible

cold.  My whole body aches.  Even the soles of my feet hurt as I stepped out of bed.  I slowly made my way to the shower to stand under the warm spray of water.  I felt slightly better until I went to get my daughter out of bed.  My little girl was soaking wet and so were her sheets (so much for buying Target brand diapers).  So, I had to get her cleaned up and change the sheets.  Next, I went downstairs and was greeted by a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.  I always wash my dinner dishes in the morning because my nightime routine is filled with other wife & mommy duties.  That being the case, I don't know why I was so annoyed at the sight of them this morning.  Maybe because they seemed to have multiplied overnight!  Instead of a family of 4 you would have thought that a family of 14 ate dinner at my house! So, I sucked it up and proceeded to wash the dishes while my daughter sat on the couch with her sippy cup and watched Kai Lan.

Just the simple act of washing dishes knocked me out.  Man, this cold stinks!  What did I expect?  My daughter has a cold also and hasn't learned to cover her mouth when she coughs or sneezes.  I am usually in the path of those coughs and sneezes and the recipient of the germs that go along with them.  So, add that to the fact that I shared an Italian ice with her yesterday , I was bound to get sick.  

Exhausted from the dishes, I went to relax on the couch for a few minutes....where I proceeded to split open my pants.  (I guess I shouldn't have eaten that ice yesterday!).  Well, on a positive note at least it happened while I was still at home instead of at the office.  Now that would have been embarrassing!

Hope all of you are having a better day than me.  I can't wait to get back in bed tonight.

Meet Me on Monday!

My blogger friend over at http://nevergrowingold.blogspot.com came up with a great idea to help us get to know each other a little better.  Each Monday she is going to post five new questions on her blog that will help us learn a bit more about one another.  Visit her link and grab the button.  Let's have some fun!


Here are my answers:


1. What kind of computer do you blog on?
    At home I use a HP notebook that is about 7 years old.  At work I use a Dell desktop.


2. Do you wear perfume? If so, what kind?
    I wear Design by Paul Sebastian.  I have been wearing it since I was about 16.  It brings back so many fond memories each time I put it on.


3. What do you do for a living?
    I am blessed to work for a very kind, caring attorney (read my post about being grateful).  I have worked for her for 16 years.


4. Do you have any pets? If so, what are they?
    I have a dog named Lucy and 5 cats (Charlie, Gracie, George, Catty-Catty, and Tarot).  They were all rescues.


5. Are you going anywhere for Summer vacation? If so, where?
    I hope to go and see my friend RaRa who lives 5 hours away.  I miss her terribly and hope that one day we are fortunate enough to live closer to each other.

A Note of Thanks To My Ex

Dear LB,

I saw you in the park today.  You did not see me.  It has been almost twenty years since I saw you last.   You still look good.  A little older, a little heavier, a few gray hairs.  But still you.  I always wondered what I would say to you if  I ever saw you again.  The scenario has played out in my head throughout the years and has changed many times. 

Years ago when the pain was still fresh I pictured myself crying and begging you for answers about why you cheated.  Why you destroyed the beautiful relationship we once shared.  I just couldn't comprehend why you asked me to be your wife, only to turn around and cheat on me a few months later.  Had your cheating been going on for a while?  If so, why did you ask me to be your wife at all?

I slipped into a deep depression after your infidelity.  In the mornings, before the sun even finished rising, before I even opened my eyes to the brand new day, the depression would wash over me.  It stayed for many years.  I eventually started dating again.  Half ass attempts on my part.  I just didn't want to be alone.  I was lucky enough to meet some wonderful men who treated me right and took my mind off of being depressed for awhile.  There was the dental student with a penchant for frog legs. Yuk!), the teacher/aspiring novelist (he was quite a good writer and I'm sure I'll see one of his novels on the best seller list one day), and then there was the clown.  Yes, I said clown.  There I was stuck in a deep depression and I was dating a professional clown!  I actually felt sorry for the guy because I think I had him second guessing his career choice.  No matter how hard the poor bastard tried he just could not get me to be happy.   So, after a few weeks or months I would end each relationship. I wasn't ready to give my heart to anyone but you.

The next scenario that often played out in my mind involved you suddenly having an epiphany that you could not live without me. Realizing what a terrible mistake you made you rushed to my apartment, pleading with me to take you back.  That scenario played in my head for quite some time. 

The one scenario that NEVER entered my mind was the one that actually happened.  I saw you in the park today...and let you go.  

Yes, your actions all those years ago plunged me into a depression I care never to relive again but, I have grown from the experience.  I believe that God must have thrown a wrench into our wedding plans because he knew that you were not the right man for me.  I can see that now because I was fortunate enough to find and marry my soul mate.  So, to you I say thank you.  If you hadn't hurt me, I never would have found my true love.  The man I look forward to spending the rest of my life with.  He makes me laugh, is a wonderful father to our beautiful kids and is a genuinely good soul.

I wish the same for you.  I hope you have found your soul mate.  I hope you are happy.

I saw you in the park today....and let you go.

Orphan

This little baby was left on my doorstep last night.  Thank goodenss I knew of a good foster home that would take him in and give him the love he deserves.

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Enough Bitc**ng! Time To Be Grateful.

I have a calendar on my refrigerator at home that begins each month with an inspirational message.  The message for June is: "I envision good unfolding in every area of my life."  I decided that although I received terrible news about my mortgage modification I would do my best to embrace this month's message.  I realized that even though life has been full of many challenges the last few years it has also been full of blessings.  In the spirit of staying positive I decided to list the things in my life that I am grateful for.  So, here it goes....


1.  My beautiful, healthy, happy children.  Do they drive me crazy?  You bet, but I wouldn't trade in this craziness for anything in the world!  My two year old daughter who I'll call Prudence for this blog, is a free spirit with a wonderful sense of humor.  Even when I am in a sad mood she manages to make me smile.   Noodle (my nickname for my 10 year old son) is an affectionate little boy and never forgets to tell me he loves me.  Unlike me or my husband, he is not shy and thoroughly enjoys performing.  Whether singing, dancing or acting he feels at home on the stage.  He also loves sports but tends to be a bit of a sore loser.   We are working on changing that!


2.  My husband.  Does he drive me crazy? YOU BET!  But again, I wouldn't trade him in either.  He always sees the "good" in people and is a gentle soul.  He is loved by everyone... especially me.


3.  My wonderful boss.  I work for an attorney who has a heart of gold.  Even though my grammar stinks and knowing where to put a comma in a sentence is not my strong point (as you can tell from reading my blog) she keeps me employed.  I've had the pleasure of working for her for 16 years.  During this time, she has allowed me to bring both of my children to work when they were babies (I had a crib right next to my desk!), let me have an office cat and, even let me bring my dog to the office (before the kids were born of course.) In today's economy I am lucky to have a job.  To work for someone as special as Ms. A I am grateful.

4.  My two best friends.  RaRa has been my best buddy since kindergarden.  We fought the school bully together and have been friends ever since!  She lives 5 hours away now and I miss her terribly.  But, we chat on the phone constantly and are still close at heart.  My friend Chillen and I met in high school (many moons ago).  We disliked each other in H.S. because she hung out with the jocks and I hung out with the rockers.  How stupid we were!  We are like sisters today and can't believe we wasted 4 years not being friends just  because of the crowds we hung around with.  Oh how ridiculous youth can be.

I will stop here for now.  Oh, I am sure I can list more things to be grateful for because as the calandar says  "I envision good unfolding in every area of my life".  I will keep you posted as all the goodness flows into my life.  I would love to hear from all of you.  What are you grateful for?  Please stop by and let me know. 

SCREWED

The verdict is in.....  I'M SCREWED.  My husband and I just received the final (we were turned down three times) denial from the mortgage company today.   It seems that the millionaire investors who own our mortgage do not feel that we deserve a modification.  They determined (as they sit in their multi-million dollar homes) that our situation does not qualify as a financial hardship.  How they reached that conclusion I will never know.  We do not have any money in the bank, have no room in the budget for necessities such as clothes, are gaining weight because pasta is the cheapest thing to eat, drive a car with 135,000 miles on it and, have a living room floor that is rotting but have no money to fix it (we put a table over the really bad section so that the kids don't fall through) . What family's income these investors were investigating I will never know because it sure wasn't mine!

We can't afford to send our son to camp and can't afford to pay the babysitter extra to watch him for the summer.  We already pay $800 per month for the babysitter to watch our two year old daughter while my husband and I work like dogs. What do these investors suggest I do with my son?  I know, he can go swimming at one of their mansions or vacation on one of their yachts.  Do these people have any clue how "real" people live?  The hardships we face? The struggle we go through each day just to provide our families with the basics?

What the future holds for us I don't know.  At this point I am very discouraged.  My positive thinking attitude has taken a nosedive.  I have been contemplating taking anti-depressants just to get me through this.  When are things going to start going our way?

Oh wait....my husband just got a THIRD job.  Maybe we can afford the sitter now.

Tarot's Day of Beauty

One of the reasons I fell in love with my cat Tarot was his beautiful orange fur.  Little did I know when I adopted him 14 years ago that I should have named him "Pigpen", instead of Tarot.  Remember Charlie Brown's friend Pigpen, the kid who had little dirt clouds following him as he walked?  Well, that is my cat Tarot.  It seems that to most cats the act of licking yourself to get clean comes natural.  Well, not to Tarot.  Oh, he will lick the other cats in the house and will on occasion lick the dog but will NEVER clean himself.  As such, I must shave him twice a year to get all the crud off his body.  I wouldn't have to resort to bringing him to the groomer to get him shaved if he would just let me brush him.  But, every time I attempt to brush him or wipe him down with a wet cloth he freaks out and bites and scratches like he was fighting for his life!  So now he gets shaved and although he won't be winning any beauty contests he will at least be clean.

                                                   Tarot BEFORE                   

Tarot AFTER